ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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