i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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