But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
