I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
