i barfeds in our rink
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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