he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Are my feet made of real feet?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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