If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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