my being single is dangerous.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
