WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
