I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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