Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
