The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
