It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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