I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
