god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
