if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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