It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
