I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who died my cat blue again?
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