batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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