Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm passing your future prison.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
