Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
