She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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