New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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