I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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