I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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