I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
