so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
