At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
