I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
