K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
