even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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