Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
