Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
