How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
