he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
