the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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