White coat. Heels.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
