New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
