Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
