I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
