So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How naked do you want me to be?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
