if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You ruined the universe
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
