my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
