I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We smell like vodka and hangover
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