Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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