even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
