Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
