Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
