I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
