Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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