speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
